On the outside

What can I do? I want to help, I want to make things better, but I can't. I can't do anything. Every time I try it gets worse. Every time I think, "Surely this will work!" it doesn't. There's nothing I can do. This is her problem, not mine. And I can't give her any encouragement. I can't comfort her. I'm completely and utterly useless in this situation. I thought things were getting better; I was wrong. She is on a big roller coaster with short distances up and long distances down, as I watch from the side, safe on the ground. How long before the ride ends? How long until she decides she wants to jump? How long before she falls off on accident? All I can do is stand here, worrying. I can't stop the ride myself. I can't do anything. I'm stuck with that fact.

Laughing at myself :D

I have had my good laugh for today with my best friend's mom. Here's the story:
We were on the way to my house after summer school (my friend's mom was driving). Everyone was tired and quiet. I leaned down to stretch out my back when my eye caught the door handle. It is one of the ones that you can look into and see your reflection. So being myself I began to make funny (actually more just plain strange) faces to the door handle. Then all of a sudden I heard Lori (my friends mom) asking me what I was doing. She had a confused and curious tone to her voice. I looked up at her from the backseat and we both started laughing as I explain what I was doing. Two minutes later we finally calmed down enough to catch our breaths. Well, even though I act brainless, I can make people laugh in the process, or at least smile!

As my mind wonders

There is one thing I have in common with most teenagers; I'm lazy! Summer is the time to do everything you haven't had a chance to do during the school year, but somehow I become bored and do nothing. Yesterday I was trying to find something to do as I sat looking out my window, so I found a notebook and pencil and began to write. I am always taken by surprise with what my mind puts on paper. This time I described the thoughts of a random teenage girl. Enjoy!


~I feel...broken, that I'm not together as a whole. I feel like something is missing. And I can't stop think about you. Everywhere I turn I see you. Everywhere I go, you seem to be there. I miss you; I long for you. How can I get so worked up about losing what I don't have? I want to sit here, look out my window, and think about you; but there are too many distractions: a cell phone vibrating, a computer beeping. I just want to hold you close to me, and you don't even know. You don't know that I think about you daily, that I wonder what you are thinking when you see me, that I long for our friendship to become stronger and go beyond that. You don't know. So I sit here, thinking about you, holding myself together and wondering if that hole, that missing piece, will ever be put into place.